Lance and Metallica

Lance Burton ? Cliff Armstrong ?

In a recent press conference UCI president Pat McQuaid said that Lance Armstrong should be forgotten. Pat McQuaid is wrong. Lance should be remembered. Lance should be an object lesson. Because Lance made a conscious decision to go from a rider who could have had a successful career as a classics rider to being a Tour winner - with a little help from his pharmaceutical friends.

If you look at the pre-cancer Lance, he's kind of a chunky guy for a cyclist. At the start of  his career he looked a lot more  like a baseball player than some whippet thin podium standee.  I don't know anything about Lance's listening preferences but here's a good chance he may have been a Sheryl Crow fan at one time.

I think there's an interesting parallel between the rise of Lance Armstrong as the Tour's mega star and Metallica going from scrappy bar band to area selling out arena tours.

Both started out with the odds against them, Lance as the only son of single mom and Metallica was formed during the height of eighties synth pop. Both suffered tragedy early in their  careers, Lance was diagnosed with cancer, Metallica had a founding member, Cliff Burton, was crushed to death by a tour bus just as the band was getting high profile opening slots.

Lance was able to survive his cancer treatments and decided  to forgo classics races and concentrate on winning the Tour. Metallica decided rather than to  stay in the  underground and  continue to make regarded thrash metal albums they opted to become the biggest band on the planet.

Lance  recovered from cancer then he and his team hired the best coaches,  bought the best drugs, bought the best doctors,  and  went through a series of expendable team members until he became Super Lance.

Metallica decided to jettison everything that made them great. In 1987 Metallica mae one last credible album, The $5.98 E.P.; Garage Days Re-Revisited.  The following  year Metallica chose to hire Guns N' Roses  producer, Mike Clink, to record the band's first post Cliff Burton album, "And Justice for All". Even though Clink jumped ship during mid production the message was clear, the four acne scarred dirt bags wanted to become mega stars.

Lance went on to freeze his sperm, divorced his wife so he could bang pop stars, and "win" the Tour d France seven times. 

Metallica hired pop producer, Bob Rock, and then they went on to make more money than god.  While this  had been a highly  lucrative  pairing for the band   they've  came out with ever  increasingly crappier albums and have made themselves look ridiculous every step  of the way.

Seriously, Metallica's S&M? Remember when Metallica recorded with a symphonic orchestra? Sorry guys, Deep Purple beat you to the punch.  Metallica and Lou Reed ? The last time Lou Reed made a good album was the last time Metallica made a good album and that was in 1988. While Lou Reed's "Metal Machine Music" is considered to be unlistenable, "Lulu (with Metallica)" is a close second. 

Lance could have been the first American to win  the Paris-Roubaix and won it clean but obviously he had other plans.

Metallica could have continued to help re-define the genre they helped create but buying expensive art work and houses in Hawaii were higher priorities.

 Lance hired Michele Ferrari to ensure he'd be a successful Tour rider. Metallica hired producer Bob Rock in order to buy Ferraris.

Metallica, Lance, Michele Ferrari, Bob Rock have all made their decisions. Contrary to Pat McQuaid's desire that Lance be forgotten,  Lance will be remembered as a great phoney. And Metallica? They'll be remembered the same way that the Rolling Stones will be. Metallica continue to have a long and somewhat lucrative career but only their first six years will be worth listening to.